i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
