I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
