Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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