Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
