Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
