Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
