omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
