That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
