In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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