I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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