i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
