i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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