Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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