My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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