God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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