does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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