I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
