The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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