I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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