i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
