hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
