totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
