i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
