we're chasing vodka with high fives
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
