dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fuck appropriateness.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who died my cat blue again?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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