I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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