Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
