i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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