don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
