You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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