Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
