I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
