I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
