i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
