Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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