how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
