I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
