Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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