We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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