Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
