What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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