OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
