Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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