If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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