i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
