so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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