you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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