so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
worst night to have a conscience
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
