she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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