just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
