it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i have two assholes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
