im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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