Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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