I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize