I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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