when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
