He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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