the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
