you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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