Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She announced her abortion via fbk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
