What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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