I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
