I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
