he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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