I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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